Penis Emergency!!!!

Honestly, this is no joke. Il Corriere della Sera, a  famous right-wing newspaper, has written a Very Serious Article on a big problem of male youth these days.
And what fo you think this problem is? Health risks? Job security?
Why, what is this is just silly stuff, compared to the real, great problem of Shortening Penises!

Because, you see, all this pollution is making Italian men's penises shorter and their legs longer, making them: "increasingly similiar to women." The horror!
According to the article, penises are now 1 cm shorter than they were 60 years ago.
This is of course tragical. Because every Italian man should follow the example of our great premier:

Look at me! My legs are short but my penis is big! It's super active,  even with minor girls! I AM SO COOL! 

Should that fail to happen, the world as we know it is doomed.