That's the letter she received:
"Dear Amy: I recently attended a frat party, got drunk and made some bad decisions.I guess my question is, if I wasn't kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape?
I let a guy take me to "his" room because he promised that he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with.
Many times, I clearly said I didn't want to have sex, and he promised to my face that he wouldn't.
Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he "promised." I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening.
We were soon kicked out of the room by the guy who lived there, who was pretty angry.
I feel like calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven't felt the same since it happened.
Am I a victim?"
What do you say? Is a person who has been forced to have a sexual activity, which she has clearly said she didn't want to have, while drunk, a victim?
I would think she is, but in reality, she's just a stupid slut who doesn't know that you can't go around getting drunk at parties and then expect to not get raped.
Snippet from Amy's answer:
"Were you a victim? Yes.
First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired."
Sure, the poor guy. He was probably drunk, see? You don't want to go around ruining his life and charging him of rape, when his judgment was impaired!
Girls who deserve to get rapedPeople seem to have a really difficult time deciding what's rape and what's not. Although the thing is really simple: rape is a non-consensual sexual activity.
If you are raped, it's the rapist's fault, not yours. That's victim blaming. That's stupid.
The fact that you looked good/were drunk/flirted etc. doesn't mean it's your fault.
Blaming a victim for the fact that she/he was raped, is much like saying a victim of murder looked too unhappy with life, so it was her/his fault if an assasin killed him/her.
Episodes of victim blaming are common everywhere across the world. Like that judge here in Italy who decided that a child rapist who had abused his step-daughter, shouldn't stay too long in prison, as the girl had already had previous sexual experiences.
As Echidne of the Snakes said, that's like saying ramming food down your throat witha great wooden stick is less painful if you have already eaten before.
The whole situation is ridiculous. I have else to say on the subject.
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Being through those times of my life where I've gone out night clubbing and gotten a few drinks into me; but not have been so off my face drunk that I've thrown up in a garden bed or found myself in somebody else's bed and not remembered what's gone on the night before, I can confidently say that I've had to pull my friends out of really dangerous situations when they have almost put themselves at risk. I have always looked out for my friends; and so made a point of drinking a bit, but not too much. I was always the one who could see what was going on in the guy's head well before my friends' and so when the idiot guy 'made his move', I knew exactly when to tell him to back off and that my friend was too drunk.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I've never been in the situation of that girl - ever. It's just not something I allowed myself to get into. And sometimes it happens at a time when you least expect it to; like when you are supposed to trust, love and respect that person, when you're in a relationship with them.
The man who ruined my life used to beat me and rape me. He had a rotten temper whenever he didn't get his way, if I burnt the toast, if his coffee didn't taste just right, if his meals weren't served right on time... stupid things like that. Then, he'd work late hours for more money and come home at 2am and rape me while I was sleeping (no, it didn't cross his mind to wake me up and see if I wanted to have sex. He wanted me, he just did it). And I have never blamed myself for any of it. I blame the people who called themselves his parents. they kicked him out of the house at 15 all because he fell in love with his best friend. He didn't know any different except to treat people like he treated me.
My trust is just coming back; however, I haven't had a full-time relationship with anyone in about a decade because of him. I just can't trust a man in my bed at night. That's what rape does to you; whether you're drunk or not.